4.2.17

to wank or not to wank*

*for lack of a better title. I'm sorry.

I'm going to have to stick to using the proper term of masturbation in this post. Words such as wank sound so bloody vulgar (sorry again for the title) and phrases like 'flick the bean' make me sick in my mouth a little bit from cringing so hard. Anyway, I have encountered several people now that don't feel comfortable with the fact that their partner masturbates. I'm not one of these people and I'm here to tell you why. I've heard numerous reasons as to why people feel this way and I'm here to myth-bust of sorts.



The most common reason I hear is that there should be no need for either party in a relationship to masturbate when they can have sex with each other. I say to that: masturbation and sex are not mutually exclusive. To put it simply, I masturbate because it feels good. I do it when I'm bored, when I'm stressed and also when I'm struggling to sleep. I don't masturbate because I'm lacking anything in my relationship. My partner and I have an above average sex life (yes, I'm bragging). He satisfies me. When I masturbate, it's really nothing to do with my partner. Also, I get horny when my partner is not around. Last summer he went to New Zealand for a few months. Why would I deprive myself of an orgasm for so long? That would be barbaric. In these instances, I'm not masturbating instead of sex. I can guarantee that if my partner was here with me, I would be jumping on him, not on my laptop (which leads me oh so nicely on to my next point).

Another huge factor is where porn is concerned. I've had people tell me they feel insecure thinking about their partner getting off to another person. Firstly, it's inevitable that your partner is going to find other people attractive. When you enter a relationship, that part of your brain that isn't suddenly disabled. For me porn is just a visual aid. When I masturbate, I want to look at something attractive. When I look at porn actors and actresses, for example, I don't compare them to my partner. As I said earlier, masturbation is really nothing to do with them. I don't watch other people and wish my partner looked like them. Not at all, not even in the slightest, ever. As well as that, a lot of the time I'm not even focusing on the people in porn but more on what they're doing. It's the sexual acts that are turning me on. Porn actors and actresses couldn't even come close to my partner. Sure, they might be physically attractive but so is my partner plus so much more.

Masturbation won't be for everybody and that's fair enough. However, shaming your partner for their habits is wrong in my frank opinion. The exploration of your body is, or at least should be, a rite of passage into sexual maturity. What with the female body is so complicated, if I had never masturbated, I might have never known what it takes for me to orgasm and that would have been a tragedy. Additionally, whilst porn sex isn't real sex and believe me, I'm well aware of that, but due to the lack of sex education in the UK I was forced to learn a lot of lessons from it.

I could talk about masturbation forever and so I promise you this won't be my last post on the topic.

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