25.2.17

what's your number?

This post is heavily inspired by Emma from Essays and Wine. She's the kind of girl I follow on social media and wish I was friends with. Emma wrote a post all about how her sex life was just that - hers - and none of anyone else's business. The girl emoji with the X arms comes to mind.

My number has hit double digits although I'm yet to lose count yet. I have forgotten more names than I care to admit though. I lost my virginity when I was 18. I lost it to a fellow virgin and honestly, I think we both just desperate. I don't regret it but I definitely didn't enjoy it. Tragic is the only word that can be used to describe my first time. I'm sure a few of you can relate.


I've only been in one relationship and that's the one I'm in now. Between the person I gave my v-card to and my current partner, I've had several one night stands and a few fuck buddies. I remember one week I had which was rather impressive, at least by my standards anyway. I snogged 6 or so people, I had two one night stands and then I went on my first ever Tinder date which went so well that we're still together over a year later. You can read all about our story here.

Why do I have casual sex? Well, why not? I love sex and there was no way I could have spent the 3 years between my first time and my first boyfriend without sex. And so my only option was to sleep around, as they say. For the most part, it's all fun and games. Although, when people warn you not to sleep with your flatmates, listen to them. I did not and I regretted it for the 6 months until my tenancy was up.

For me, it's simple. Sex is a physical act. Emotions only get involved when I allow them to. I'm cold-hearted by nature and so for me, it's easy. Also, if I've just picked a complete (but cute) stranger from a club, how could I possibly feel anything more? It's likely that I've forgotten what he's called by the time we're in a taxi. Since being in a relationship though, I have learned that sex be both physical and emotional. Sex when you're in love is undoubtedly the best sex I've ever had so I get it. I get why some people hold off until they meet the one.

Now, let's talk politics. I don't like being told I can't do things. A guy at work told me that he doesn't think women are capable of having casual sex. Girls, don't you hate when your hysteria gets in the way? I'm seriously sick of hearing how women are too emotional for this, that and the other. In the words of Stormzy, shut up. Both women AND men may chose to abstain from sex until in a committed relationship because no strings attached sex just doesn't make sense to them and of course, that's perfectly fine. There's no judgment from me but my colleague might have a thing or two to say even though no one asked for his opinion. He is about 50 and I know there's that whole generational gap excuse but bore off, Barry.

Slut-shaming: more misogynistic men (or pricks, as I like to call them) behaving badly. Although, women slut-shame too and I think that saddens me even more. Ms. Norbury said it best:

"You all have got to stop calling each oter sluts and whores. It just makes it OK for guys to call you sluts and whores."

I'm not ashamed and you should never feel ashamed either. The only time you should feel shame is when you've fucked up, not when you've fucked someone. Unless your fucking someone is fucking up, in other words, cheating. Anyway, as established, shame derives from wrong doing and if you're a woman who has casual sexual partners you're not doing anything wrong.

Lastly, what I get up to behind clothes doors and under the sheets shouldn't be of concern to anyone except the person I'm doing it with.

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